


Panini Pandemonium

by Lonely_Broccoli



Series: Haikyuu!! Group Chats [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AND A FURRY, Betting games on who ends up with who, Bullying Mention, Confessions, Declarations Of Love, Dick Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Discussions about hentai, Doujinshi talk, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Everyone Is Gay, First Dates, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Dork, Kuroo loves doujins, Love Confessions, M/M, OIKAWA AND SUGA ARE FURRIES, Oikawa Tooru is a Dork, Rich boy Lev and his sushi, Sexual Humour, Suga NEEDS TO STOP, Suga and Yaku make doujins, Suga draws fanart, Sugawara Koushi is A+ asshole, Sushi seems to hate Yaku, Sweet senpais, Textfic, Ushijima is a dork, Ushijima is a giant dork, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Yaku gets pulled in and is suffering, Yaku no pico, chatfic, date horror stories, paninis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-02-28 06:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13265544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonely_Broccoli/pseuds/Lonely_Broccoli
Summary: Oikawanker:fuck yeah paninis are the shitWaka Waka:paninis are a good source of nutrition. It is not shit.Oikawanker:"the shit" is a compliment, Ushiwaka-chanSugAAAH:I'd wank with a panini if you paid meDarkEnchantedKuroobar:Suga stop being nasty!





	1. Where it all began

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to RussianSunflower3 because this wouldn't exist without them! Please kindly check out their stories!

_DarkEnchantedKuroobar added SugAAAH, Waka Waka, Oikawanker and Goshickey to the chat._

**Oikawanker:**?..... Why the hell am I in a chat with Ushiwaka? 

 **Waka Waka:** We have each other's phone numbers, and you text me on a regular basis. Why are you so surprised? 

 **Goshickey:** Uhhh.. Who are all these people I don't know? 

 **SugAAAH:** Excuse me I'm the setter from Karasuno 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** So... WHO LIKES PANINIS? 

 **Goshickey:** I love paninis! 

 **Oikawanker:** fuck yeah paninis are the shit 

 **Waka Waka:** paninis are a good source of nutrition. It is not shit. 

 **Oikawanker:** "the shit" is a compliment, Ushiwaka-chan

 **SugAAAH:** I'd wank with a panini if you paid me 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Suga stop being nasty! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Anyway! This is a chat for all the people that picked panini over bagel in the survey 

 **Waka Waka:** who is DarkEnchantedKuroobar? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I'm Kuroo Tetsurou and I play for Nekoma 

 **Goshickey:** I'm Goshiki Tsutomu!! I play for Shiratorizawa!! 

 **Oikawanker:** eh 

 **Oikawanker:** you're the kid that wants to be like Ushiwaka? 

 **Waka Waka:** He does? 

 **SugAAAH:** Awww that's cute! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** you're calling a kid with "hickey" in their username cute 

 **SugAAAH:** hohoho most of the kids I call cute are taller and beefier than me, it's sorta a habit now. 

 **Goshickey:** Hickey? 

 **Oikawanker:** go google it bowl cut 

 **Waka Waka:** What is a Hickey? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** it's when you love someone and you kiss their skin and succ 

 **SugAAAH:** and it leaves a reddish mark 

 **Waka Waka:** so it is what I accidentally make sometimes 

 **Goshickey:** oh god I really didn't need to know that 

 **SugAAAH:** oooooOOOO Ushiwaka  you need to slow down there 

 **SugAAAH:** tell me more this could be useful 

 **Oikawanker:** no. 

 **Waka Waka:** understood 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** am I the only one that's making a little connection? 

 **SugAAAH:** no ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Goshickey:** OH MY GOD W H Y 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** poor kiddo. He found out a little too much about his senpai 

 **Oikawanker:** well I guess it's better than trying to hide it. Ushiwaka and I are dating 

 **Goshickey:** Oh. I didn't know.. 

 **Waka Waka:** do not worry. I am sure that you will understand. 

 **SugAAAH:** Is this the start of something beautiful? 

 **Oikawanker:** No, that's what my mom said when I was born- and she was right. :) 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** first impressions can be deceiving. I mean, look at you now. 

 **Oikawanker:** EXCUSE ME? I AM VERY BEAUTIFUL 

 **Waka Waka:** You are. I know you like to know you are, too. 

 **Goshickey:** What facial products do you use? ╰(*´︶`*)╯

 **SugAAAH:** Ushiwaka I bet 

 **Oikawanker:** STOP NOW SUGA 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** coughWacumtoshicough 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** but does that mean you're into body worship Oikawa? 

 **Waka Waka:** Taking your time to tell your partner how beautiful they are is very important, from what I have gathered 

 **Goshickey:** um 

 **Goshickey:** I really didn't want to hear that come out of my senpai's mouth 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Something else will be cumming out from Oikawa's 

 **SugAAAH:** HA TRUE. 

 **Oikawanker:** SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID CROWBAR 

 **Waka Waka:** Why would anything be coming out from Oikawa's mouth? Also, you have spelled "coming" wrong, Kuroo. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Is now the time? 

 **Goshickey:** now is NOT the time. 

 **Oikawanker:** don't you guys dare try to misinform Ushiwaka 

 **SugAAAH:** aww, it's gonna be fun though! (*´꒳`*)

 **Oikawanker:** shut up and go fuck a churro 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I thought you wanted to fuck a panini Suga ;^^ 

 **Waka Waka:**?? That does not seem very sanitary. 

 **Goshickey:** how do I leave and unsee everything 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** you can't ;) 

 **Goshickey:** B Y E 

 **SugAAAH:** noooo cum back~ :) 

 **Waka Waka:** I must say, we are "the shit" if I borrow Oikawa's words. 


	2. Appearances aren't everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goshickey:** Why would he even fuck anyone?? 
> 
>  **Waka Waka:** If he experiences deep romantic and sexual attraction, I don't see why not. 
> 
>  **Goshickey:**...with 69 people?! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyaaaaaaa!! This is another update because I'm trash and I love my panini kids.

**Goshickey:** I'm back from school, at last~. So tired! 

 **Waka Waka:** are you experiencing fatigue, Goshiki? 

 **Oikawanker:** Pretty sure that's what he said 

 **Goshickey:** no, I'm fine! I'm not actually that tired anyway! 

 **SugAAAH:** lol it's okay to be tired 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** It's okay to be tired after sex too! 

 **SugAAAH:** lol how many guys have you fucked? 

 **Oikawanker:** I'd guess about 69? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** ohohohoho none 

 **Goshickey:** Why would he even fuck anyone?? 

 **Waka Waka:** If he experiences deep romantic and sexual attraction, I don't see why not. 

 **Goshickey:**...with 69 people?! 

 **SugAAAH:** why don't you try it out 

 **Goshickey:** Don't think I can do that. I'm monogamous! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** hey! What makes you guys assume that I'm an orgy freak? 

 **Oikawanker:** we never said that- 

 **SugAAAH:** you dug yourself a grave there Kuroo 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** stfu I've never had sex with anyone okay?! 

 **Oikawanker:** well your icon is a lenny face! 

 **Waka Waka:** those are called Lenny faces? 

 **Goshickey:** uhhh Oikawa tbh your icon screams flirtatious 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Your appearance is like the definition of a fuckboy 

 **Oikawanker:** Oh yeah? I bet you look fuckboy-er! 

 **Waka Waka:** How does one look like a sex male? 

 **Goshickey:** Uh... you make it sound like they're prostitutes 

 **SugAAAH:** Cum to think of it, prostitute sounds like postate 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** prostatute 

 **Waka Waka:** Prostates should be regularly examined for health and safety reasons. 

 **Oikawanker:** I can do that for you sometime :) 

 **Goshickey:** OH GOD WHY 

 **SugAAAH:** This is funny to watch 

_DarkEnchantedKuroobar sent a photo._

**Goshickey:** is that you?? *o* 

 **Waka Waka:** Your hair is as unruly as usual. 

 **SugAAAH:** whaddaya think Oikawa? 

 **Oikawanker:** dude, and you have the nerve to call me a fuckboy. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I've never been in a relationship so I'd say that's fair. 

 **Waka Waka:** I am sure that Oikawa is in a faithful relationship with me, do not worry. 

 **Goshickey:** I can hear the tone of your voice just by your text 

 **SugAAAH:** Well I don't. All I hear is Dumbledore 

_SugAAAH sent a photo._

**Oikawanker:** honestly you'd pass for a fuckboy too Suga-chan 

 **Oikawanker:** but honestly I think you're pretty hot Kuroo 

 **Waka Waka:** I thought you found him irritating. 

 **Oikawanker:** You can be annoyed at someone and still find them hot 

 **Goshickey:** like Shirabu! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** uhhhhhh that's just you dude. 

 **SugAAAH:** guys I edited a Dumbledore beard onto Ushiwaka's face 

 **Goshickey:** aHahahahaHAHAHAahaha XDDD 

 **SugAAAH:** you remind me of Kuroo's obnoxious laugh 

 **Waka Waka:** is that what I will look like in 60 years? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** dude no idea 

 **Waka Waka:** I must say, it is... not bad. 

 **Oikawanker:** tbh Suga-chan you remind me of the Fairy Godmother from Cinderella 

 **SugAAAH:** bibbidy bobbidy boo~ (^_−)−☆

 **Goshickey:** Cinderella always manages to bring me to tears! 

 **Oikawanker:** what 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** what 

 **Waka Waka:** I have taken the liberty of editing Dumbledore beards onto everyone's face. 

 **Oikawanker:** OH GOD KUROO LOOKS LIKE HE'D SOCK YOU AND ROB YOUR HOUSE 

 **SugAAAH:**  you look too handsome and that makes you not so handsome in that beard 

 **Goshickey:** Kuroo looks like he'd swindle me 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** well tbh the beard suits that cutesy face of yours Bowl Cut 

 **Goshickey:** Suga looks like Merlin from Disney channel 

 **Oikawanker:** I bet that's the only channel you watch 

 **Goshickey:** Zoology and volleyball channels are good too! My grandmother loves cooking shows so I sometimes watch that too! 


	3. Con-fession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goshickey:** Oikawa, I think you'd be Belle! 
> 
>  **Oikawanker:** DID I ASK? 
> 
>  **Waka Waka:** so I would be the beast? :( 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** no offence but that face really doesn't suit your image 

**SugAAAH:** I need to ask you guys something 

 **Waka Waka:** What is it? 

 **SugAAAH:** Would you rather go on TV as a drag queen or a country music singer? 

 **Goshickey:** I'd love to try out being the singer! 

 **Oikawanker:** Really? I'd honestly prefer the drag queen option. Drag races seem fun. 

 **SugAAAH:** Have you ever done your own makeup? 

 **Waka Waka:** country music. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** honestly why are we having this conversation at 3AM?! 

 **SugAAAH:** I once had the girls in my class put makeup on me for the culture festival

 **Goshickey:** really?  

 **SugAAAH:** we were doing a Disney themed cafe! 

 **Oikawanker:** what were you, Ursula? 

 **Waka Waka:** Is Ursula not modelled after a drag queen? 

 **Oikawanker:** exactly! 

 **Goshickey:** Oikawa, I think you'd be Belle! 

 **Oikawanker:** DID I ASK? 

 **Waka Waka:** so I would be the beast? :( 

 **SugAAAH:** no offence but that face really doesn't suit your image 

 **Goshickey:** Ushijima-senpai is strong, after all! 

 **Oikawanker:** Glad he isn't sex crazed 

 **Waka Waka:** sex should not be taken lightly, in my opinion. I do not wish to harm anyone. 

 **SugAAAH:** soooooo does that mean you top? 

 **Oikawanker:** HEY. We haven't decided that yet, and we don't want to tell you 

 **Goshickey:** oh okay 

 **SugAAAH:** you don't have to tell me. I'd know. 

 **Oikawanker:** oh yeah? And how would you know, mister semen expert? 

 **Waka Waka:** Was that a compliment meant for Sugawara? 

 **SugAAAH:** well I know more about semen than you 

 **Goshickey:** are you a semenologist? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** GUYS 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I need some advice... 

 **Oikawanker:** Your bedhead is incurable 

 **SugAAAH:** it's impossible for you to not look like a con artist 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I sort of received a drunk confession from Tsukishima 

 **Waka Waka:** how do you know about the intoxication? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Well I got invited into the Bagel chat and everyone was screaming at me that Tsukishima was drunk 

 **SugAAAH:** Tsukishima.... got drunk? 

 **Goshickey:** You should have asked for a Bagel chat member to convince Tsukishima to send a video of himself dancing 

 **Oikawanker:** lol childishhhh 

 **Oikawanker:** you gonna tell him you love him? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** lol sure 

 **Waka Waka:** I disagree. 

 **SugAAAH:** why? It's finally time them long panini heads got together. 

 **Goshickey:** jeez we should chill about this 

 **Waka Waka:** talk to him tomorrow properly. It will not do good if he is drunk 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Yep 

 **Waka Waka:** and don't blackmail Tsukishima, any of you guys. 

 **SugAAAH:** aww it would have been funny to have him draw a dick on his forehead 

 **Oikawanker:** I'm so glad we don't go to the same school 

 **Goshickey:** but if Kuroo is a con artist.. 

 **Goshickey:** Tsukishima made a con-fession 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I'm so mad because I laughed really hard 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** but I've received multiple threats from Akaashi involving cacti and cheese graters so none of us are blackmailing Tsukishima 

 **Waka Waka:** good. Blackmail is a horrible thing to do 

 **Goshickey:** it really is.. 

 **Oikawanker:** you guys have experience?? 

 **Waka Waka:** No, but I have watched too much anime involving it 

 **SugAAAH:** ah you watch anime? 

 **Waka Waka:** Yes 

 **Waka Waka:** please send me the fanart later I must sleep 


	4. Spare my life from this monstrosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Oikawanker:** He is horny 
> 
>  **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** GUYS NO 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** Don't worry Kuroo I won't crop this conversation and send it to Tsukishima 
> 
>  **Goshickey:** why would you even consider doing that?! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uggggggh I'm so sorry for not updating for so long. Exams are really beating me good and I feel like I'm getting drained of energy. ;^^ anyhoooooo. Here's a chapter and a new character!

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** My dick hurts so much... 

 **Waka Waka:** I am not sure if this is an appropriate way to start a conversation. 

 **SugAAAH:** this chat sure isn't rated PG 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** okay but hear me out 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Tsukishima accepted my confession 

 **Goshickey:** so why is your wiener throbbing? 

 **Oikawanker:** He is horny 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** GUYS NO 

 **SugAAAH:** Don't worry Kuroo I won't crop this conversation and send it to Tsukishima 

 **Goshickey:** why would you even consider doing that?! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I bashed my balls on the volleyball net pole 

 **Waka Waka:**.....Where are they now? 

 **Oikawanker:** Do you think his balls fell out or something?? 

 **Goshickey:** OW OWCH OEPCHX 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I swear to god the entire team laughed at me... 

 **Waka Waka:** do not worry. At least your testicles are still functioning. 

 **SugAAAH:** I mean, at least you can feel a little test-tickle 

 **Oikawanker:** ew 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** okay I've had it with the puns and bad jokes 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I'm adding my friend 

_DarkEnchantedKuroobar added Yakult to the chat._

**Yakult:** Okay Kuroo who are these- SUGA-KUN 

 **SugAAAH:** YAKUUUUUUUUUUUU 

 **Oikawanker:** do you guys know each other? 

 **Waka Waka:** it is beyond me 

 **Yakult:** it's complicated... 

 **SugAAAH:** we're a part of the same doujin circle 

 **Oikawanker:** so much for being a drama queen Yakkun 

 **Yakult:** -_- 

 **Yakult:** Five minutes into this cult and I'm faced with weirdos 

 **Goshickey:** Are you okay? :0 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** hey at least Goshiki is sweet 

 **SugAAAH:** he won't be when we're finished this chat 

 **Waka Waka:** Yaku's name reminds me of something 

 **Goshickey:** Yakult? Ahaha, I'm right, aren't I? 

 **Waka Waka:** it was something that Tendou mentioned to me... 

 **Waka Waka:** I believe that it was called Bokuto Pico? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** OH 

 **Oikawanker:** MY 

 **SugAAAH:** FUCKADUCK 

 **Yakult:** this is so nasty omfg 

 **Goshickey:** so he thought of Yaku no Pico? 

 **Waka Waka:** I have never seen it before. Is it interesting? 

 **Oikawanker:** I have one piece of advice for you. Don't watch it, ever. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** nobody deserves this treatment for the cornea 

 **Goshickey:** what is it about? 

 **SugAAAH:** uh 

_SugAAAH posted a link._

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** SUGA 

 **Oikawanker:** Suga NO. 

 **Goshickey:** WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MY EYES ARE MELTING 

 **Waka Waka:** the theme is song is rather catchy.... 

 **Yakult:** look what you did Suga 

 **SugAAAH:** me?? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Yes you! You've been to hell and back and you're dragging us all down 

 **Waka Waka:** who is the Mokkun to Yaku/Pico? 

 **Oikawanker:** Please kindly never mention those two names along with any of our names.

 **Goshickey:** so Yaku has a boyfriend? 

 **Yakult:** I don't 

 **SugAAAH:** awww, you still haven't confessed to Lev yet? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Yaku we all know your love for Lev, don't even try to deny it 

 **Oikawanker:** AND IIIIIIIYEEEAAAAAAAA WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOUUUAAAAAAHHHH 

 **Waka Waka:** Would you like relationship advice, seeing as Oikawa and I are dating? 

 **Goshickey:** O_O I am very scared to hear this.... 

 **Yakult:** I've been getting plenty from Suga 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** oh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **SugAAAH:** ugh is now really the time? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Oikawanker:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **SugAAAH:** okay fine I'm dating Kageyama 

 **Waka Waka:** oh. 

 **Oikawanker:** Hahahahaha wait what the fuck..? 

 **SugAAAH:** well you're dating Ushiwaka, it's not that big of a surprise who I date in comparison to your choices 

 **Goshickey:** so you get to hit Kageyama's tosses?! That's awesome!! 

 **SugAAAH:** no I'm a setter. I teach Kageyama how to say "nice" 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** in the bed or what? 

 **Yakult:** oh sweet lord of fuckducks 


	5. Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Waka Waka:** I believe that you were the one that confessed to me by riding a wheelbarrow, Oikawa. 
> 
>  **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** A wheelbarrow? 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** "I WHEELY like you, Ushiwaka-chan!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished my home economics exam and well.. it went better than I expected. I am pretty proud of myself. Have this chapter I wrote to reward myself~

**Yakult:** So... Lev sort of confessed to me 

 **Oikawanker:** lucky duck 

 **SugAAAH:** omfg congrats! 

 **Yakult:** and I sorta rejected him... 

 **Goshickey:** WHAT!!! Why..? D: 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Well Lev sort of hung upside down from the window holding a confession note 

 **Waka Waka:** why did you reject him, Yaku? 

 **Yakult:** Well I sort of freaked out because I didn't expect it and I was too busy yelling at Lev that he was gonna die if he didn't get down 

 **Waka Waka:** That makes sense. I see Semi saying such things to Tendou often 

 **Oikawanker:** But you like him back, right? Shouldn't you tell him? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** text him!! 

 **Yakult:** But I don't want it to sound like, weird! 

 **SugAAAH:** Dude you have nothing to be ashamed of! 

 **SugAAAH:** Kageyama confessed to me in the infirmary while the nurse was disinfecting his head wound he got from running into a wall 

 **Oikawanker:** Wha 

 **Oikawanker:** He's the one that confessed!? 

 **Waka Waka:** I believe that you were the one that confessed to me by riding a wheelbarrow, Oikawa. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** A wheelbarrow? 

 **SugAAAH:** "I WHEELY like you, Ushiwaka-chan!" 

 **Goshickey:** wow 

 **SugAAAH:** Goshiki what happened?

 **Yakult:** you guys and your ridiculous confession stories wtf 

 **Waka Waka:** it may be strange, but at least it ended well. 

 **Yakult:** Wow THANKS 

 **Goshickey:** Can I trust you guys with something...? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** So long it's not about furry porn then yes 

 **Oikawanker:** O_O

 **Yakult:** that's so fucking random?! 

 **Waka Waka:** I can ensure that you can trust us. 

 **SugAAAH:**?.. Us? 

 **Waka Waka:** _yes._

 **Yakult:** okay I'm scared now 

 **Oikawanker:** Ushiwaka only uses italics when he's flirting or pissed 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** thanks Oikawaka 

 **Waka Waka:** (*^^*)

 **Yakult:** What's with you using emoticons at the randomest times?! 

 **Goshickey:** Um 

 **Goshickey:** I sort of got into a pickle at school today. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** A pickle? What exactly? 

 **Oikawanker:** Is it to do with academics? 

 **Goshickey:** some people called me behind the building and tried to beat me up 

 **Oikawanker:** Damn... 

 **SugAAAH:** Oh no.. are you hurt??

 **Goshickey:** Not really, but I don't know what to do if this happens again 

 **Yakult:** I think it's a good idea to go to an adult and solve this 

 **Waka Waka:** that will not be necessary. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Ushijima I'm all for you doing your yakuza spike on their faces but make sure the bail money is something my broke ass can afford 

 **SugAAAH:** Don't worry, his teammates can make it happen 

 **Oikawanker:** I don't think Ushiwaka is the type to killer yakuza spike someone in the face 

 **SugAAAH:** do you say that from your experiences in the bed? 

 **Yakult:** DO NOT ANSWER FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KOUHAI'S INNOCENCE 

 **Goshickey:** Is this going to get violent? 

 **Waka Waka:** Do not worry. I will make sure that they do not upset you any more. 

 **Oikawanker:** how long has this been happening, kiddo? 

 **Goshickey:** about a.. few weeks? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Aw Goshiki 

 **Yakult:** I'm sure it'll be okay soon, there isn't anything as terrifying as a senpai fighting for their kouhai. 


	6. Something in common

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yakult: begging isn't so bad when you're the one watching 
> 
> Waka Waka: In regards to volleyball?? 
> 
> Oikawanker: CUM THE FUCK ON 
> 
> SugAAAH: you forgot to add "me" at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I had an English exam today hahahahaha my hand was killin me anyway enjoy this chapter

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** How did it go? 

 **SugAAAH:** what? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I heard that everyone here from Miyagi took part in Operation Kick Goshiki's Bullies' Asses 

 **Goshickey:** How do you know?! 

 **Yakult:** Apparently Daichi texted Kuroo that Suga told him he was planning on buying a pitchfork 

 **Oikawanker:** Anyway. The ass kicking went well 

 **Waka Waka:** Tendou was probably the most terrifying thing I have seen since The Grudge. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Wait I thought Tendou was the Grudge? 

 **Goshickey:** Same 

 **Oikawanker:** An annoying one, at that. 

 **Yakult:** How did you guys go about your business? 

 **Oikawanker:** I was just ass kicking in the background so the Shiratorizawa kids could give Goshiki a little cheer-up talk. 

 **Goshickey:** Tendou stared at them and went "Is there anything you want to discuss with my underclassman?" 

 **SugAAAH:** It sounds like an episode from The Office when you say it like that 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Have you ever watched The Office? 

 **SugAAAH:** I'm more of a Brooklyn Nine-Nine person. 

 **Yakult:** Why don't we all watch a TV show together? 

 **Waka Waka:** I have a recommendation. How about Home Alone? 

 **Oikawanker:** Home Alone?! That's a kids Christmas movie! 

 **Goshickey:** We watch it at least once a month at Shiratorizawa 

 **Oikawanker:** Hhhhohmygod I'm so glad that I went to Seijoh 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Don't you guys watch Rugrats at least once in three weeks?? 

 **Waka Waka:** Rugrats is not bad. However, I prefer to observe the lonely boy's trap making and how many ways the burglars could have broken their pelvis. 

 **SugAAAH:** Guys let's watch My Little Pony 

 **Goshickey:** you like it too??? 

 **SugAAAH:** I sure do! :) 

 **Yakult:** Suga no 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Goshiki, I don't think Suga likes MLP the same way you do. 

 **Oikawanker:** Kuroo I'm begging you just don't do this to Goshiki 

 **Waka Waka:** It is not necessary to beg. 

 **SugAAAH:** Oh ;) 

 **Oikawanker:** SHUT THE FUCK UP IM NOT INTO THAT SHID

 **Goshickey:** Shid 

 **SugAAAH:** shid 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** shiddykawa 

 **Oikawanker:** That's low dude 

 **Yakult:** begging isn't so bad when you're the one watching 

 **Waka Waka:** In regards to volleyball?? 

 **Oikawanker:** CUM THE FUCK ON 

 **SugAAAH:** you forgot to add "me" at the end

 **SugAAAH:** anyways how about uhhh Zootopia or Fantastic Mr. Fox? 

 **Goshickey:** Sure! Why not? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Am I the only one seeing a sort of trend here? 

 **Oikawanker:** Lol Suga draws furry porn online 

 **Yakult:** What 

 **SugAAAH:** How the fuck do you even know?! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Oikawa and Suga are furries confirmed 

 **Waka Waka:** Is that referring to their body hair? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I really fucking wish 

 **Yakult:** Suga how do you even manage to draw furry porn and doujins at the same time? Shouldn't you like, be studying for college? 

 **SugAAAH:** Since I gave up on being a stripper, why not draw one? 

 **Goshickey:** What's furry porn? 

 **Goshickey:** NEVER MIND OH MY GOSHIKI 

 **Waka Waka:** I cannot watch Lion King ever again 

 **Oikawanker:** All I'm saying is Mufasa is pretty hot 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** IS THIS REALLY THE TIME TO BE SAYING THIS?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))))


	7. Disastrous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Have you ever heard of the curse of the first date? 
> 
>  **Yakult:**....What? 
> 
>  **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** when two guys in volleyball clubs go on their first date, the results are always disastrous 
> 
>  **Waka Waka:** I can confirm that it is not true, Yaku. 
> 
>  **Oikawanker:** That's because your opinion on what's disastrous is morbidly twisted!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii~ I'm so sorry for kinda dying here, I had a lot of stuff like exams going on and all that fun jazz. Gomen ;.; Anyhoooo, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Yakult:** So... Lev and I are officially dating! 

 **Oikawanker:** Great! Now you can tell us about how your first date went! 

 **Yakult:** Well, listen good... 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** It's string bean and pin 

 **SugAAAH:** In your case, it's lamp post and con artist 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** SHUDDUP 

 **Yakult:** We're going to go on a date at a sushi restaurant! 

 **Goshickey:** Awesome!! Fish is great! 

 **SugAAAH:** It sounds rather fishy. 

 **Waka Waka:** Good luck with your first date. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Have you ever heard of the curse of the first date? 

 **Yakult:**....What? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** when two guys in volleyball clubs go on their first date, the results are always disastrous 

 **Waka Waka:** I can confirm that it is not true, Yaku. 

 **Oikawanker:** That's because your opinion on what's disastrous is morbidly twisted!! 

 **Oikawanker:** Even after I spilled hot prawn pilaf on your crotch you refused to admit that I'd ruined the date! 

 **Goshickey:** you... you spilled prawn pilaf on his crotch 

 **Goshickey:** that explains why his crotch looked like prawn when we bathed 

 **Waka Waka:** no date with Oikawa is a bad date. 

 **Oikawanker:** O 

 **SugAAAH:** Aaaaaare we finished around here? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** well Suga, how did your first date go? 

 **Oikawanker:**....do I really wanna hear this?! 

 **SugAAAH:** Human up 

 **Yakult:** you guys are being unsettling as SHIT! 

 **SugAAAH:** how'd you predict what happened?? 

 **Yakult:** what 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** what 

 **SugAAAH:** we had fun at a karaoke bar but then there was shit all over the floor 

 **SugAAAH:** we both stepped in it 

 **SugAAAH:** I don't think I've ever heard Kageyama scream so loudly, ever 

 **Waka Waka:** I take it that you haven't had sex with him, then. 

 **Goshickey:** do... do you speak from experience? 

 **Yakult:** I guess you guys were scared shitless then? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** GOD DAMMIT YAKU THIS MIGHT BE YOU IN A COUPLE DAYS 

 **SugAAAH:** But there aren't many things that you can fuck up at a sushi bar 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** trust me I accidentally yanked the sushi plate instead of picking it up and everything fell down 

 **Yakult:** How about I just don't eat sushi then?! 

 **Oikawanker:** It'll be probably okay lol don't worry 

 **Oikawanker:** wait... 

 **Oikawanker:** How did you even know what Ushiwaka's dick looked like Goshiki?! 

 **Goshickey:** we all bathe together?? Our school has dorms 

 **Oikawanker:** WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS?! 

 **Waka Waka:** am I meant to not bathe? 

 **SugAAAH:** nah Oik is just jealous but don't worry I can send you furry porn 

 **Oikawanker:** ew wtf I'm not into that 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Yeah yeah right 

 **Yakult:** Oikawa Too-ruined childhood 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Shut up your childhood crush was Rick Astley 

 **Yakult:** what's wrong with that?! 

 **SugAAAH:** u did run around and desert Lev once 

 **Goshickey:** your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it 

 **Waka Waka:** besides, we both know what's been going on 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** u know the Gayme and you're gonna play it 

 **Oikawanker:** Aaaaand if you ask me how I'm feeling 

 **Yakult:** can we stop with the rickrolling?! And shut up Kuroo you're shit at puns and you're needier than a Tomodachi Life Mii 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** at least I had the guts to admit I liked Tsukishima on the first go 

 **Goshickey:** AT LEAST YOU GUYS HAVE BOYFRIENDS YOU ALL SUCK 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh- I'm just saying the same stuff as usual but reviews and comments are always appreciated! Seriously. Even one sentence makes me screech with happiness.


	8. Hamabe Sushi is the place to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaku stood outside Lev's house, gawping in a mixture of astonishment in disbelief. He hadn't expected what seemed like a manor, at this stage. His theory that Lev's parents were absolutely loaded was confirmed when he caught a glimpse of the interior decor as the door opened for him. He was certain that the vase he saw that second was worth more than his college education would ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyaaaa I'm updating p quickly because 1. AO3 somehow didn't recognise this story as updated and as a result not many people know that I finally updated, 2. I've been dead from exams and I'm free now so my writing urge is booming.

Yaku stood outside Lev's house, gawping in a mixture of astonishment in disbelief. He hadn't expected what seemed like a manor, at this stage. His theory that Lev's parents were absolutely loaded was confirmed when he caught a glimpse of the interior decor as the door opened for him. He was certain that the vase he saw that second was worth more than his college education would ever be. 

"Heya, Yaku-san! I'm all set for our date!" Lev was the only thing that Yaku saw inside the house that didn't look like it had come from a celebrity show. Yaku smiled nervously, suddenly feeling self-conscious about whether he was leaving any strange impression on Lev and his family. 

Yaku's hand was grabbed by Lev's the moment they were close to each other. "Let's go, Yaku-san! I can lead you to the sushi restaurant!" He chirped excitedly. Yaku found it almost strange that someone so well-off as Lev had suggested such a common place for their date, but Yaku couldn't imagine himself anywhere near expensive watch shops either. 

Maybe this date was going to go well, after all. 

His relief was extremely short-lived. When Lev had brought him to the most expensive sushi bar known to mankind, he kicked himself in the leg for not predicting so much. "God almighty, Lev. Why? I'm never gonna be able to bring you to a place half as expensive!" He hissed, and he was met with a shrug. 

"It's no problem, Yaku-san!" 

"There is a huge problem, Lev! I can't have you spend tons of money on our dates! I'm honestly okay with just strolling around the park!" 

Lev bit back a chuckle at Yaku's statement. "Wait, did I not tell you that my dad's one of the co-founders of Hamabe Sushi?" Yaku's jaw dropped. Now everything made so much more sense, but it didn't lessen the awkwardness of his first-date situation. 

"But Hamabe Sushi is.. Gah, they don't even have the sushi going around and around! What sort of sushi restaurant doesn't do that?" Yaku muttered to himself, knowing the answer but choosing not to finish his own sentence. 

Upon entering, Yaku and Lev were immediately met with stares and glances. "Hi, Abe-san! How's it going with your kids?" Lev had somehow recognised almost every single face in the restaurant, while Yaku gave nervous sideways stares to the tables and bottles of condiments that looked exactly the same. 

No matter how anyone put it, Yaku was clearly out of place. Nobody else almost tripped over the fusuma border. Nobody else stared at the prices with one too many zeros in utter disbelief. And most importantly, nobody else awkwardly followed around their boyfriends. 

"Yaku-san, what would you like? You can have anything, don't look at the prices!" Lev threw an extremely difficult task in his direction. Yaku knew that his boyfriend wasn't trying to sound pretentious, but it was definitely not as simple as ordering whatever he wanted. 

The conversations that had taken place in the panini chat were screwing around with him, now. He didn't want to think about whatever stupid "curse" they had talked about, and god, he so wanted to smack the shit out of Kuroo's grinning face. 

"I'm- tekka maki!" Yaku skipped about half his sentence, and the embarrassment was quickly catching up to him. "What I meant is.. Screw it. You know damn well what I mean!" He pouted a little as Lev placed their orders, despite knowing that it really wasn't anyone's fault. 

Both ate in silence for a few minutes, until Yaku couldn't bear the silence anymore. Fancy restaurant be damned, he wasn't going to sit around like a scolded student. "Lev, you know what? Thanks for bringing me here." He said, letting his eyes meet with Lev's. "I'm really glad I started dating you. I honestly don't care about where we go for dates because you put your thought in it, and that's what matters most to me." 

"..You not going to answer?" Yaku poked Lev awkwardly when the tall boy slapped his palms against his cheeks, making soft sighing noises. He hadn't expected the loud Lev to fall silent all of a sudden. 

Lev lifted his face, which had a light red hue. "Yaku-san, we're in a near-empty sushi bar. People. I. Know. Are. Watching." He whispered, forcing Yaku to realise what a corny line he had used in front of some random rich gentlemen and ladies. 

Biting back a swear, Yaku smacked the table to let out his humiliation instead. That didn't help; he had accidentally knocked down an expensive-looking yunomi, and had little choice but to catch it and the scalding hot tea with his bare hands. 

"This is the curse of the first date, isn't it?!" Yaku growled, wiping his hands with the oshibori by his side. 

"Uh, what?" 

"Nothing! And remind me to never, ever say anything sweet to you outside ever again." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a little comment if you have any thoughts- It would mean the world to me.


	9. Doujins and Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goshickey:** ohhh two guys.. friends? Having fun nice 
> 
>  **Oikawanker:** "fun" haha yeah having a dick up your ass without lube is fun 
> 
>  **Goshickey:** AAAAAAHHHHH WHY DIDNT YOU SAY THAT EARLIER 
> 
>  **Yakult:** yeah it's so weird when people draw gay sex like it's some automatic dick slot-in process 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hi~ I had to delete the chapter and reupload it 'cause it wasn't showing up in the tag list no matter what I tried. I hope you like the newest chapter!

**Yakult:** Before you ask, the date was okay except for me making an all round fool of myself and almost scalding my hands with the tea 

 **SugAAAH:** Hey at least it wasn't "shitty" lmao 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Lmao the curse of the first date is still going strong 

 **Yakult:** I hope you choke on a lantern 

 **Oikawanker:** Hey at least you didn't almost kill your boyfriend's crotch 

 **Waka Waka:** that has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. 

 **SugAAAH:** So... Have you guys ever got anything stuck inside you when you were little? 

 **Yakult:** That sounds so fucking wrong and I'm scared to know the answer at this point 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I once got a crayon stuck up my nose because of some asshole in kindergarten 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I tried to melt his penis on the radiator and got into a lot of trouble 

 **Goshickey:** what 

 **Goshickey:** I once had a chopstick stuck between my teeth when I was 13 

 **Oikawanker:** why are you even asking this Suga? 

 **SugAAAH:** well 

 **SugAAAH:** I was wondering if you got a vibrator stuck in you, would you have to get surgery to have it out 

 **Waka Waka:** that would be the safest option. What else would you possibly do? 

 **Yakult:** yank 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I thought you said wank 

 **Oikawanker:** you'd be milked dry! 

 **SugAAAH:** because it's a "dry" orgasm? 

 **Goshickey:** Why are you even asking that?! 

 **Goshickey:** don't tell me 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** oh ;) 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** did things get a little too kinky Suga

 **SugAAAH:** Pfft no 

 **Oikawanker:** Honestly if you tell me you got a vibrator stuck in Tonio 

 **Oikawanker:** *Tobio 

 **SugAAAH:** GOD NO 

 **Yakult:** this is why we can't have nice things 

 **Goshickey:** For a second I thought Tonio was your cousin 

 **Oikawanker:** No my cousin's name is Takeru! Not even close! 

 **Waka Waka:** oh sorry. I told him that it was Tonio 

 **Waka Waka:** I must have gotten your cousin and Kageyama mixed up when you were talking 

 **Oikawanker:** w h a t 

 **Oikawanker:** YOU THOUGHT I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY COUSIN WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT TOBIO IS PRETTY HOT? 

 **Yakult:** ew that's so gross 

 **SugAAAH:** wait what? ^_^ 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** -_- I thought you hated Kageyama?? 

 **Oikawanker:** I do! He's a genius and annoying as hell! But you can hate someone and still find them hot, okay?! 

 **Waka Waka:** we have had this conversation with Oikawa finding Kuroo attractive before. 

 **SugAAAH:** bro I got it 

 **SugAAAH:** Oikawa finds people he hates hot 

 **Goshickey:** it happens haha, don't worry! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** lmao you speak from experience don't you 

 **Yakult:** That's doujin material. We should make a manga about hate sex next time Suga 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** TOO MUCH INFORMATION 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:**..how much does it cost? 

 **Oikawanker:** oHmyGOD

 **SugAAAH:** we have lots of doujin lovers in volleyball clubs~ 

 **SugAAAH:** what was his name... Kyoutani?? 

 **Oikawanker:** KYOUKEN READS DOUJINS?! 

 **Waka Waka:** I have seen under Tendou's bed before, and it has been a rather strange experience. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I know that about half my team read doujijs but I can't give names because they'll skin me alive 

 **Goshickey:** I've never read a doujin before.. is it like a manga? 

 **Yakult:** it's like a manga but they use settings and characters from works that already exist? 

 **SugAAAH:** like for example they can be about ships 

 **Goshickey:** so doujins about Titanic? 

 **Yakult:** ships are when you like two characters from something and want them to do cute/lewd stuff together 

 **Waka Waka:** I now understand why Tendou's marine vehicles always had peculiar names. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** long story short doujins are great 

_SugAAAH sent a link._

**SugAAAH:** this will give you an idea 

 **Goshickey:** ohhh two guys.. friends? Having fun nice 

 **Oikawanker:** "fun" haha yeah having a dick up your ass without lube is fun 

 **Goshickey:** AAAAAAHHHHH WHY DIDNT YOU SAY THAT EARLIER 

 **Yakult:** yeah it's so weird when people draw gay sex like it's some automatic dick slot-in process 

 **Waka Waka:** I agree. I am always surprised that these doujins never seem to feature the anus tearing 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** woah no this is a doujin not a guro manga 

 **Goshickey:** is that sweat or tears??? I don't even know how to tell apart the bodily fluids 

 **SugAAAH:** guys it's doujins we're talking about. In fiction there's abnormal amounts of cum and lactating males. There's sex that would destroy someone's uterus and tentacles somehow developing sexual urges. 

 **SugAAAH:** long story short don't take fucking tips from doujins or hentai

 **Oikawanker:** Jesus fuck 

 **Yakult:** hey that could be the next doujin we make 

 **Goshickey:** P L E A SE NO 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do leave a comment if you want to let me know what I can do better or how you liked it! It will make be feel so much better~


	10. Dorito Crumbs and Betting Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SugAAAH:** wait... Kindaichi dating Iwaizumi? 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** DAMMIT 
> 
>  **Yakult:** why? 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** I owe Kageyama a thousand yen! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIII. It's me and I'm not dead, this story is still going on. I survived through the hell hole of exams and orals, and IT'S EASTER BREAK! STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPDATES AND STUFF!

**Yakult:** Good evening everyone~! Tell me something funny that happened during your day because I just broke my nail and I'm in a tragic mood 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** The fact that Lev tried to kiss it better 

 **Yakult:** SHUT THE FUCK UP GO FUCK A CACTUS 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** already have 

 **SugAAAH:** oh? 

 **Goshickey:** you- you had sex with a cactus!? 

 **Goshickey:** your dick would be in tatters! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** hey I can bottom if I want to 

 **Waka Waka:** I am sure that that is an incredibly foolish decision. 

 **SugAAAH:** Ushijima Kuroo is talking about his boyfriend 

 **Oikawanker:** well, that makes sense. Tsukishima's a prick. 

 **SugAAAH:** HEY. WATCH your language you uncivilised buffoon 

 **Oikawanker:** YOU MAKE DOUJINS SO YOU CAN SHUT YOUR MOUTH HOLE 

 **SugAAAH:** We'll shut yours with a tentacle lmao 

 **Oikawanker:** Anyway GUYS I'M SH OOK 

 **Waka Waka:** The correct term is "shaken". 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** We don't question memes in this chat okay 

 **Yakult:** Eh I'm surprised you're even trying to explain memes to him 

 **Waka Waka:** in that sense, I am shook. 

 **Goshickey:**!!!!!!!!  

 **Goshickey:** I need to send this to the Shiratorizawa group chat holy crap 

 **Oikawanker:** GUYS. Let's not stray off topic yeah? 

 **Oikawanker:** Iwa-chan and KINDAICHI started dating! 

 **Waka Waka:** I see. Is that what you are "shook" about? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** shook really doesn't suit you. 

 **SugAAAH:** wait... Kindaichi dating Iwaizumi? 

 **SugAAAH:** DAMMIT 

 **Yakult:** why? 

 **SugAAAH:** I owe Kageyama a thousand yen! 

 **Oikawanker:** you... you were betting on whether Iwaizumi would end up with Kindaichi or not?! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** why would you even try to outsmart Kageyama when he's gone to school with them for 3 years?? 

 **Goshickey:** But honestly haven't you seen the way Iwaizumi looks at Kindaichi? 

 **Oikawanker:** I thought it was Kindaichi who was head over heels wait? 

 **Waka Waka:** Yes, but I have always known that Iwaizumi likes Kindaichi. 

 **Yakult:** So you guys have this whole guessing game going on? Who are you still waiting on to form a couple? 

 **SugAAAH:** Oh. You'll see, Yaku. You'll see. 

 **Goshickey:** Guysssssss! T_T Shirabu-san just got annoyed at me

 **Oikawanker:** Is Shirabu the guy with the god-awful haircut? 

 **Waka Waka:** Please do not insult my setter's peculiar fringe. 

 **SugAAAH:** Yeah, don't trash talk his garbage hair

 **Yakult:** the only trash hair here is Kuroo 

 **Oikawanker:** whatever 

 **Oikawanker:** how did he end up with that sad look? 

 **Goshickey:** Well.. he used to have really long hair with a fringe that covered his eyes 

 **Goshickey:** and it was getting in the way of his eyes 

 **Waka Waka:** he decided to cut it for the sake of volleyball practice 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** oh, homemade hair? I like it. 

 **Yakult:** it's not a cake so stop acting like it's one. Homemade cakes are nice. 

 **Oikawanker:** OH SHIT, TETSUROASTED 

 **Goshickey:** Shirabu was in the bathroom and was half asleep and he chopped it all at that particular angle 

 **SugAAAH:** was that an intentional chop or an "oh-shit-there-goes-my-hair" chop? 

 **Waka Waka:** Since I have heard some profanity coming from the bathroom, I'm guessing that it's the latter. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** he could just trim it down to make it less.. asymmetrical? 

 **Goshickey:** he did. 

 **Goshickey:** nobody recognised him 

 **Waka Waka:** Yes. Tendou even said, and I quote, "Shirabu! I have no idea who you are, or where you went!" 

 **Goshickey:** Shirabu-san got angry at me for leaving Dorito crumbs on the bedsheets.. 

 **Yakult:** Then get the crumbs off the bedsheets! 

 **SugAAAH:** Bedsheets.....??????? ;)))))) 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** ohMygOD 

 **Waka Waka:** it is not a big deal. Shiratorizawa has dorms. 

 **SugAAAH:** yeah but didn't he just imply that they're sleeping together? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I mean it's not often you comment on someone's bedsheets 

 **Oikawanker:** especially not when you're doing the nasty 

 **Waka Waka:** noted. 

 **Goshickey:** STOP 

 **Yakult:** poor guy has to know about his senpai and ace doing the nasty 

 **SugAAAH:** ARE SHIRABU AND GOSHIKI SLEEPING TOGETHER????? 

 **Goshickey:** well ever since everyone else beat the shit out of some people that picked on me, they took turns staying over to sleep with me 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** okay that's sweet and a little gay with the way you put it 

 **Goshickey:** is Shirabu gay?? 

 **SugAAAH:** ask 

 **Yakult:** Sure that sounds like a good idea doesn't it 

 **Goshickey:** I know right?! I should definitely do that! 

 **Waka Waka:** After all, it is best to be straightforward with teammates. 

 **Oikawanker:** Is Shirabu the only Shiratorizawa member with an aptitude for sarcasm?! 

 **Goshickey:** Sure thing? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** No I think it's a setter thing 

 **SugAAAH:** Kags isn't sarcastic! Well, unless he's playing Oikawa 

 **Yakult:** where do you think he got it from?! 

 **Yakult:** I mean at least a Kenma isn't that bad 

 **Waka Waka:** Semi and Shirabu can act similar on occasion. 

 **Oikawanker:** yup it's definitely a setter thing 

 **SugAAAH:** sassetter 

 **Goshickey:** oh I gotta go Shirabu's here 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

 **Yakult:** SHUT UP KUROO 

 **Yakult:** CACTUSFUCKER 

 **Oikawanker:** lmao which way does it go 

 **SugAAAH:** up 

 **Goshickey:** HOW IS KUROO STILL ALIVE?! 

 **SugAAAH:** Two thousand yen for Shirabu and Goshiki 

 **Oikawanker:** Three thousand for Kuroo x Cactus 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day so I would love you forever if you dropped one by.


	11. Goshiki's Straight Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goshiki turned off his phone with a soft sigh on his lips, saying goodbye to the doughy group chat riots for the night. Shirabu disliked having electronics around before going to sleep, saying that it could affect the quality of sleep he would get. The group chat members already knew that he and Shirabu were sleeping together, and they probably caught onto the fact that he was in love with the sassy setter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead don't worry~   
> FINALLY. IT HAPPENS, HALLELOO!

Goshiki turned off his phone with a soft sigh on his lips, saying goodbye to the doughy group chat riots for the night. Shirabu disliked having electronics around before going to sleep, saying that it could affect the quality of sleep he would get. The group chat members already knew that he and Shirabu were sleeping together, and they probably caught onto the fact that he was in love with the sassy setter.

The bed dipped as Shirabu sat beside him. “It’s going to be an early morning tomorrow. Go to sleep.” Shirabu had changed into a t-shirt while Goshiki had been discussing his sexuality with the panini group, and it was only making Goshiki aware of his own sexuality. He could just ask Shirabu if he was into guys, but without sounding like he wanted to court him.

Goshiki nodded, slipping under the covers obediently. “Shirabu-san, I need to ask you something.” There were so many things that Goshiki wanted to know about Shirabu, but he had to do it one by one. Shirabu hated it when he bombarded him with questions. Hell, Goshiki assumed that Shirabu hated him, until he saw just how angry Shirabu was when he found out about the students that threatened to beat him up.

“Hmm? Sure,” Shirabu curled up beside Goshiki, staying close enough to him so that he could feel his warmth. Goshiki couldn’t imagine why he was the one that stuck around with him for the longest. Tendou had given up on sleeping next to him when he kicked his nose in his sleep. Semi quit when Goshiki started nibbling on his t-shirt. Although Goshiki had no recollection of kicking Shirabu, he was quite sure that he had done a number of violent things in his sleep.

Goshiki hesitated before asking, “Shirabu-san, are you into guys?”

The setter’s eyes widened as soon as he heard Goshiki’s question, but he made no attempt to deny it. “Why? Are you… uncomfortable?” Goshiki shook his head immediately after he realised that the conversation was steering towards an unexpected direction. “I don’t blame you. I mean, it’s two teenage dudes sleeping together in close proximity. That’s pretty gay.”

“No, it’s not like that!” Goshiki said before Shirabu could continue any more. He really was too straightforward for his own good. It was no wonder Shirabu always grew tired of him. “I mean, that’s not what I meant, it’s just.. no, I’m not uncomfortable at all.” He spluttered, his words coming out in a jumbled mess.

“That’s good. But… why the sudden sexuality question? Did somebody feed you information?” Shirabu asked, squinting at Goshiki once he regained some composure. Goshiki shook his head vigorously, knowing that trying to explain about the panini chat would result in accusations of him willingly viewing furry porn and Boku no Pico.

Goshiki decided to stop beating around the bush. “I think I’m in love with you.” He knew he was taking a risk. If he got rejected or broke up, it would affect the volleyball team for a while. But within the past few days, he realised that the _something_ in his heart that popped up every time he saw Shirabu in his nighttime t-shirt was definitely love.

“You sure you know what you’re saying?” Came Shirabu’s reply. Goshiki’s brows knitted tightly. He wasn’t exactly being taken seriously. It was to be expected, but it irked him all the same. “Are you sure it’s not just a passing feeling? Because we… snoozed together a bunch of times?” Shirabu paused a number of times to keep the conversation as clean-sounding as he could. 

“I know what I’m saying, Shirabu-san.” Goshiki brought his face up close to Shirabu’s, noticing his blush even in the darkness. “It’s something I’ve thought about for long enough. Please don’t make me wait any longer.” He stated firmly. His heart hammered in his chest at the thought of Shirabu becoming his boyfriend or never talking to him again.

Shirabu let out a soft sigh, pressing a hand to Goshiki’s shoulder. “You’re always so vocal about everything,” he muttered, and Goshiki caught the start of a smile on his upperclassman’s face. “And here I was, wondering when I should ask you out.”

“So is that a-“

“Yes. I am gay, and I’m taken.” Shirabu was met with a bone-crushing hug a moment after, which he only got out of after flailing about like a fish on land. “You’re going to kill me before we even go on our first date.” He regretted mentioning dates just a second later, when Goshiki looked awake as ever. He wasn’t going to be asleep for another while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my lifeblood and love. I would appreciate headcanon asks sent to my Tumblr @hai-cuties also!


	12. Salty Dinosaurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Oikawanker:** I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY 
> 
>  **Oikawanker:** so anyway I was pissing off Kageyama while feeding him meat buns a few weeks ago cause that's what senpais do 
> 
>  **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** can't argue with that 
> 
>  **Yakult:** that's why it took alcohol to make Tsukki confess to you huh? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya everyone! I'm still alive and I hope you enjoy the latest chapter of the Panini Pandemonium!

**Oikawanker:** TOBIO IS%*}{ FUCKING JERKFACE PASS IT ONSFVSNNWUKSKK-?2!¥@86

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Stop fucking your keyboard we don't wanna imagine it 

 **SugAAAH:** hey! Calling me a jerkface isn't nice! ٩(๑`^´๑)۶

 **Yakult:** ew omg keep it in your pants 

 **Goshickey:** what did the karasuno setter do? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** more like _who_ did he do 

 **Oikawanker:** TOBIO CHAN FUCKED ME OVER 

 **SugAAAH:** lololol as if. 

 **SugAAAH:** the only person that can fuck you over is Ushiwaka 

 **Waka Waka:** yes, unless Oikawa has grown tired of me 

 **Goshickey:** HECKING STOP I DON'T WANNA KNOW 

 **Waka Waka:** it is all right, if Oikawa has grown tired of me I will accept it with dignity 

 **Yakult:**  .....Really? 

 **Waka Waka:** fine I would shake hands with him and then cry into my pillow while eating ice cream by the gallon 

 **Goshickey:** ;;;;;;;;o;;;;;;;;; 

 **Oikawanker:** why the fuck did you send a caterpillar emoticon 

 **SugAAAH:** shhh he's a young one he's gonna be a butterfly soon 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Oikawa if you're a furry are butterflies in your zone 

 **Oikawanker:** I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY 

 **Oikawanker:** so anyway I was pissing off Kageyama while feeding him meat buns a few weeks ago cause that's what senpais do 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** can't argue with that 

 **Yakult:** that's why it took alcohol to make Tsukki confess to you huh? 

 **Waka Waka:** Goshiki, would you like me to irritate your mood while feeding you meat wrapped in a bun? 

 **Goshickey:** Uh I'm fine thanks I can feel the glare coming from Oikawa 

 **Oikawanker:** and these girls were worshipping me as always and you know, giving me the treatment I deserve 

 **SugAAAH:** hey you should pay Iwaizumi next time he puts up with you 

 **Oikawanker:** but they started avoiding me all of a sudden and you know why? 

 **Oikawanker:** THAT STUPID TOBIO manged to tell them that I had an alien kink 

 **SugAAAH:** so besides being a furry you're xenophiliac 

 **Waka Waka:** No, I can confirm that he is not 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** well you're a bit of a gaylien Oikawa 

 **Goshickey:** I mean you told everyone that you weren't attracted to aliens right? 

 **Yakult:** I'm sure Kageyama didn't do it on purpose 

 **Yakult:** maybe ask him to tell everyone that he was joking? 

 **Oikawanker:** well... I don't know if he'll do that for me 

 **SugAAAH:** why though? Kageyama isn't that mean 

 **Oikawanker:** I replaced all the curry roux in his house with chocolate blocks 

 **SugAAAH:** you spawn of hell 

 **Waka Waka:** if it were hayashi rice I would have been very disappointed in you 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** aren't they pretty much the same thing 

**SugAAAH: _No_**

**Waka Waka: _It is not. Do not insult these dishes in my presence_**

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** well I sure know what I'll be ordering next date with Tsukki 

 **Goshickey:** aaaaaah you're going on a date?? 

 **Goshickey:** please let me know how to make a salty boyfriend love you 

 **Yakult:** salty boyfriend? You mean the asymmetrical bangs guy? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** if you really wanna know about salty boyfriends go ask Lev 

 **Yakult:** Kuroo I swear if I could I would stab you in the dick with a pickaxe 

 **SugAAAH:** you could also ask Ushiwaka 

 **Oikawanker:** I'm not salty I'm just 

 **Oikawanker:** wait come to think of it I guess I am salty 

 **Waka Waka:** Is that a revelation? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** took you long enough 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** but yeah I'm gonna take Tsukki to the Dino museum 

 **SugAAAH:** Hmm I feel like that will end in sex 

 **Yakult:** so basically Dino museums make people wanna bone? 

 **Waka Waka:** Well, bone is all that is left of them so he has a point 

 **Goshickey:** BONE?! 

 **Goshickey:** IN THE MUSEUM?! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I mean it wouldn't be impossible 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** And I'd be able to brag about fucking beside a prehistoric creature 

 **Waka Waka:** I am not sure if that is worth bragging about. 

 **Yakult:** I think it would be but if you have a bf like Lev or Suga he would keep making bone puns so that would pretty much kill the mood 

 **SugAAAH:** Can confirm 

 **Oikawanker:** nasty 

 **SugAAAH:** Don't be salty Oikawa we'll take you to the zoology museum with Ushiwaka 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave a comment, it would mean a lot to me!


	13. Missing Mackerel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo waved enthusiastically at his boyfriend, his lips spreading into a goofy smile. It wasn't often they got to meet each other because of the huge prefecture barrier, but Tsukishima had hauled himself all the way over to Tokyo for their date. Kuroo was glowing since morning. 
> 
> A KuroTsuki chapter with yet another floppy date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so like it's 1am and my energy spike made me write all this. Good day everyone! There's finally the KuroTsuki date told from Kuroo's POV!

"Over here, Tsukki!" 

Kuroo waved enthusiastically at his boyfriend, his lips spreading into a goofy smile. It wasn't often they got to meet each other because of the huge prefecture barrier, but Tsukishima had hauled himself all the way over to Tokyo for their date. Kuroo was glowing since morning. 

Tsukishima bowed at Kuroo slightly and held his hand, eliciting a surprised sound out of him.  "What are you so surprised about? It's not every weekend we get to go on dates." He shook his head at Kuroo teasingly, tilting his head sideways. "Come on, Kuroo-san. You're meant to be leading me, I don't know my way around Tokyo." 

"Of course," Kuroo takes Tsukishima's palm extravagantly, barely able to keep his composure. If there's one thing he's found out about Tsukishima since he started dating him, it's that he has a way with words that go straight to Kuroo's heart and lower regions. It's ironic really, Kuroo falling harder despite Tsukishima being the one to confess to him while rip-roaring drunk. 

They arrived at a family restaurant, which was far from extravagant but had good food. Kuroo hoped that Tsukishima was half as low-maintainance as he was. "What would you like?" As soon as Kuroo asked, Tsukishima pointed to a tall strawberry dessert that looked about 70% whipped cream. 

"What? I have a sweet tooth." Tsukishima pushed his menu towards the centre of the table, smirking at Kuroo's astonishment. Kuroo averted his eyes somewhat shyly, not knowing what to do with the unexpected information. He had to take Tsukishima to the sweets café that Kenma was really into sometime. 

Kuroo ordered the grilled amberjack meal and the huge dessert that he couldn't say the name of with one breath, while Tsukishima started reading the menu again to see what drinks were on offer. "I should take you to this cafe soon. If you like sweet food, I'm sure you'll enjoy it." 

"By soon, do you mean today?" Tsukishima asked, demolishing his food as soon as it arrived. "I'd pay, but I have my priorities." Kuroo knew Tsukishima was referring to the prehistoric museum that he had offered to take him. They had both agreed to gather up the money needed half-and-half, which wasn't very cheap. 

Kuroo let out a laugh. "We'll go there on your next date. Deal?" He started digging into his pockets for his wallet as he queued for the till, but the usual sensation of leather didn't greet him for a suspiciously long time. The employee was staring into his soul, and he was slapping his pockets like mad now. 

"I'm sorry, I think I-" Kuroo sighed heavily, realising that he seemed like he was trying to dine and ditch. He muttered curses to himself, hating the situation he had put Tsukishima and himself into. Calling it humiliating was being quite generous. 

"Here," Tsukishima quickly whipped out two thousand yen bills, hastily paying for the meal before grabbing Kuroo's hand and speedwalking out of the restaurant. "Did you lose your wallet? What does it look like?" He wasted no time before asking questions, pacing around to find the missing wallet. 

"It has a mackerel keychain, and it's made of black leather. Tsukki, I'm-" 

"Don't be apologising, Kuroo-san. We need to find your wallet first," Tsukishima shut down Kuroo with mild annoyance, and Kuroo followed him as he retraced their footsteps. There was no snark about the mackerel keychain, or the usual sarcastic comments. Kuroo felt a weight press down on his chest. 

After twenty minutes of fruitless searching, Tsukishima and Kuroo awkwardly settled on a bench. "Is there any way I can make it up to you?" Kuroo suggested, although there wasn't much to do in the city when only one of them had a bit of money. "It wasn't supposed to go like this, and I'm really sorry." 

Tsukishima heaved a sigh, clearly unimpressed. "It's not really your fault. It happens to everyone," Kuroo doubted that Tsukishima humiliated himself on a regular basis, but he didn't have the energy to shoot out a witty comment. 

"Listen to me," Tsukishima yanked Kuroo by his hair, a considerable feat seeing as Kuroo's hair was unruly as hell. "It's true I'm disappointed that you lost the money you worked so hard to gather for us. But I want you to know there's always a next time, and next time, you're definitely taking me to that damn museum." He tapped Kuroo's chest with his finger, emphasising his point. 

"Thanks, Tsukki." Kuroo fixed his hair bashfully, tugging the collar of his jacket. "Hey, I have somewhere we can go, for free. It's fun too, but I'm not sure you'll like it." No sooner than he started mumbling awkwardly, Tsukishima rolled his eyes and brushed Kuroo's fringe up, kissing him on the forehead. 

"It doesn't matter, Tetsurou. Spending the weekend together with you is enough, so stop worrying your dense brain over it." 

Omake 

"I told you it was fun, Tsukki." Kuroo mumbled with his mouth full, his hands stuck in his pockets as he swallowed the last bit in his mouth. All he got from Tsukishima was a groan. The blond's face was flushed a light shade of red, and his hands were tied behind his back. 

"I can't believe you're taking me around for free food samples. Is this what you do with Bokuto when you two hang about on the weekends?" 

Tsukishima let out a "tsk" when Kuroo made no attempt to deny the accusation. He really was a good boyfriend until his mouth opened and the bad ideas started pouring out. Sadly, that was the Kuroo Tsukishima had confessed to, and the Kuroo that he would have to deal with forever. Admittedly, it wasn't a bad thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos fuel my soul and also thank you for reading!


	14. A Matter of Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Oikawanker:** I punched a bastard and he didn't like it 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** did you punch the Guess Monster 
> 
>  **Waka Waka:** If he did, we would not be here right now 
> 
>  **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I have no idea what he means by that and I'm p terrified right now 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* I'm typing this in Japan and I'm pumped to write for this fic! I hope my absences aren't too long... I promise the finale will come soon!

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Yo I kinda fucked up Tsukki's date 

 **SugAAAH:** I guess the curse of the first date isn't limited to the first date 

 **Yakult:** You're straight up cursed 

 **Goshickey:** cursed?? Wait a moment I'll help, my grandparents work at a shrine 

_Goshickey sent a photo._

_Goshickey sent a photo._

_Goshickey sent a photo._

_Goshickey sent a photo._

**Goshickey:** just copy all this sutra into a prayer book and recite it for three hours! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:**........ 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** the writing is so tiny and I can't read that anyways 

 **Yakult:** your grandparents taught you a thing or two huh 

 **Yakult:** I think you would be great friends with Kai 

 **Waka Waka:** doesn't everyone know the heart sutra? 

 **Goshickey:** apparently not... 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** wait where's Oikawa??? 

 **SugAAAH:** he's online so he's probably Instagrammimg some sunset photos 

 **Oikawanker:** ARE YOU A FUCKING STALKER WTF 

 **SugAAAH:** it was a noble guess lmao. What's up, Oikawa? 

 **SugAAAH:** wait he's offline 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** ah, maybe he's cursed too 

 **Goshickey:** I can help him! 

 **Oikawanker:** tf? STOP SENDING ME PRAYER SCROLLS 

 **Yakult:** rest in pieces Oikawanker 

 **Yakult:** why do you keep coming on and off? 

 **Waka Waka:** I may know the reason 

 **SugAAAH:** what, does his hips ache so bad? 

 **Oikawanker:** stfu I'm mad at Ushiwaka-chan

 **SugAAAH:** And why is that?? 

 **Goshickey:** are you guys fighting? 

 **Waka Waka:** you could say that. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** whoa I thought you guys never fought what's up? 

 **Waka Waka:** Oikawa made a foolish decision. 

 **Oikawanker:** fuck you I did not 

 **Yakult:** it's going exactly as I would expect an UshiOi fight to 

 **SugAAAH:** eh, well since you came to this chat to seek out our noble advice... we need deets. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** AKA we want to stick our noses into your dispute

 **Oikawanker:** thanks for the honesty guys, I really didn't know that 

 **Goshickey:** wait... when I saw Oikawa walking home, his knuckles were bleeding 

 **Goshickey:** Did you guys have a fist fight? 

 **Yakult:** calm down sutra boy, let them explain by themselves 

 **Goshickey:** NAMO AMITABHA 

 **Oikawanker:** I punched a bastard and he didn't like it 

 **SugAAAH:** did you punch the Guess Monster 

 **Waka Waka:** If he did, we would not be here right now 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I have no idea what he means by that and I'm p terrified right now 

 **Oikawanker:** I punched some guy shit talking Ushiwaka-chan and I fucked him up at the fence 

 **Goshickey:** Who would want to talk crap about Ushijima-senpai at all? 

 **Goshickey:** I once saw an evil spirit shrivel up and disappear when he glared at it 

 **Yakult:** Oh come on, evil spirits don't exist. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** that's not what you said in the haunted house at the culture festival 

 **Yakult:** I hope you choke on Tsukishima's dick 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** if only I could 

 **SugAAAH:** Keep that crowbar in your pants 

 **Waka Waka:** fucking someone over the fence is not an acceptable way to deal with people who talk crap. 

 **Oikawanker:** well, I wasn't going to let them say whatever they wanted to! 

 **Waka Waka:** And I wasn't going to let you ruin your chances of pursuing a higher education. 

 **SugAAAH:** so basically you guys are arguing about being protective while being protective 

 **Yakult:** that sentence is doujin worthy 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** well Ushijima does have a point ya know. Fighting can go on your permanent record. 

 **Oikawanker:** I can't believe you're not with me here! 

 **SugAAAH:** you should wait until you get into college and then extract revenge

 **Yakult:** I'm scared of you right now 

 **Goshickey:** but my grandmother said that revenge is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die 

 **SugAAAH:** you swallow the poison and puke it out in their face

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** gross 

 **Oikawanker:** well guys, let me put it to you this way 

 **Oikawanker:** how many of you would beat the fuck out of someone for making your kouhai cry

 **Yakult:** I hate you 

 **Waka Waka:** I'm afraid not. I am with Goshiki here. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** okay yeah I'd definitely fuck them over with a cactus 

 **SugAAAH:** Use one with extra toothpicks stuck onto it, it does make a difference 

 **Oikawanker:** I've proved my point here 

 **Waka Waka:** You are all being foolish. Why waste your time and risk ruining your future? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Ushijima, the point is that we all have someone we'd do questionable things and risk our future for 

 **Yakult:** I guess even cactus fuckers say something damn straight once in a while 

 **SugAAAH:** though I'm not sure if a cactus fucker fits the definition of damn straight, Kuroo's right 

 **Goshickey:** Is this what it feels like to be a third year? 

 **Waka Waka:** I admit, I have done questionable things to the people that treated Goshiki badly. 

 **Waka Waka:** however, Oikawa should not risk that for me. He is important to me, and so is his college life. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** aww man that's sweet and also dirty-sounding 

 **Oikawanker:** I guess you're right about that. I am important, after all! 

 **Oikawanker:** jokes aside, thanks Ushiwaka-chan 

 **Yakult:** are we done here or is it too early for the confetti 

 **SugAAAH:** in conclusion, revenge is best served when you're graduated and smarter 

 **Goshickey:** okay you guys are still terrifying 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleeeease leave a comment if you liked it!


	15. The Cure for All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Yakult:** get your head out of the fuckin gutter Kuroo stop bothering Ushijima 
> 
>  **SugAAAH:** I'm here, I'm gay, this doesn't rhyme bye 
> 
>  **Oikawanker:** I recently received news that Iwaizumi spurted blood on his first date and Kindaichi got food poisoning 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got pumped after I got an ask and now, there's another chapter popped out! Yay! Gonna nyoom to update more of my stuff tomorrow. Sorry if I make no sense rn, I'm on the verge of falling asleep.

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** this is it, folks 

 **SugAAAH:** what? Are you going to confess something? 

 **SugAAAH:** are you also a furry? 

 **Waka Waka:** I believe that he does not possess much body hair 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** first of all, no 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** second of all, how the fuck do you know and why would you say that? 

 **Yakult:** we already have two furries and doujins creators here I'm not surprised 

 **Oikawanker:** just because Mufasa is hot it doesn't mean I'm a furry 

 **SugAAAH:** case closed kiddo 

 **Goshickey:** how are you guys anyway? 

 **Waka Waka:** I am enjoying myself. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** what is it with you and your weirdly inappropriate replies 

 **Yakult:** get your head out of the fuckin gutter Kuroo stop bothering Ushijima 

 **SugAAAH:** I'm here, I'm gay, this doesn't rhyme bye 

 **Oikawanker:** I recently received news that Iwaizumi spurted blood on his first date and Kindaichi got food poisoning 

 **SugAAAH:** curse is still going so strong it's funny 

 **Oikawanker:** they still had fun though those dumb gay dorks 

 **Yakult:** are you referring to all of us or...? 

 **Goshickey:** Dumb gay dorks sounds like a band name 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I'm sick

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** my throat is closing up and I can feel Tsukishima's balls rolling around in my brain 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** goodbye everybody I've got to go 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** gonna leave you all behind 

 **SugAAAH:** oh no he really is sick he's quoting Bohemian Rhapsody unconsciously 

 **Waka Waka:** Yaku, you should give Kuroo a care package. Make sure to include plenty of leeks and ginger, as well as cold patches. 

 **Yakult:** a care package? Never made one before 

 **Oikawanker:** but 

 **Oikawanker:** but you're a team mom 

 **Yakult:** listen up we don't make care packages we make "Be kind to yourself you fucking dumbass bitch here's what'll help" packages 

 **Goshickey:** do those packages contain bags of sea salt 

 **Waka Waka:** yes 

 **Oikawanker:** oh holy shit do you guys have like a team mom group chat where you plan all this 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** how do I alleviate this feeling of general crappiness and the body aches 

 **SugAAAH:** do you need me to send you a recipe for a warm soup dish? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** p l e a as e e 

 **Goshickey:** maybe you should use some leeks and wrap it around your throat

 **Goshickey:** my granny used to do that for me all the time when I was little! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** gotcha, like this? 

_DarkEnchantedKuroobar sent a photo._

**Waka Waka:**.........................

 **Yakult:** WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO YOU HAVE THE LEEKS STUCK BETWEEN YOUR SCARF 

 **Yakult:** I can't breathe 

 **Goshickey:** why do you even have six leeks in your house at one time??

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** burning 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** my eyes are burning and my neck feels so awkward 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I think one just fell out... 

 **Oikawanker:** for fucks sake help him, there's like 2 team moms in here 

 **SugAAAH:** no we are doujin creators here 

 **SugAAAH:** we are the stoned aunts 

 **Waka Waka:** give Kuroo your stoned aunt tips then. He needs your help. 

 **Goshickey:** maybe he could make ginger tea then? Are you still online, Kuroo? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** mmhm 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** thanks for being the only one with sound advice 

 **Yakult:** you really didn't do a good job following through though 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** it's the thought that counts 

 **SugAAAH:** yeah ginger tea sounds fine but also do you have cold medicine or 

 **Oikawanker:** stoned aunt advice is common sense 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** alright I'm going to drink the ginger tea and then take some of that euphoria medicine 

 **Waka Waka:** is Kuroo at risk of substance abuse? 

 **Oikawanker:** yknow what I don't even know how to answer that 

 **Oikawanker:** Kuroo can answer that one 

 **Goshickey:** drink the tea you'll feel better 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** MOTHER FUCKER 

 **SugAAAH:** you referring to Kageyama or Lev? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I touched my eye with the hand I touched ginger with and it fucking hurts like crap 

 **Yakult:** you sure you didn't poke yourself in the eye? 

 **Goshickey:** this is a Kuroo Tetsurou support chat and we will help him get better 

 **Waka Waka:** Yes. We will help him take his safe drugs. 

 **SugAAAH:** sure we will 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** alright I've consumed the tea I made with pure boiling rage and chaotic black magic 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** this medicine better provide me with relief and my stolen taste buds 

 **Oikawanker:** did you read the instructions on the package? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** did I drink water before taking the medicine? 

 **Yakult:** did you???? 

 **Waka Waka:** dry swallowing pills can cause tears. He should have taken the medication with water. 

 **Oikawanker:** tears? 

 **Oikawanker:** are you crying, Kuroo-chan? 

 **Goshickey:** D: is it that bad? Shouldn't someone from Tokyo visit his house? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I think there's something dripping from my eyes idk 

 **SugAAAH:** Ushiwaka means oesophageal tears 

 **Goshickey:** what type of tear is that? 

 **Yakult:** the kind that generates a lot of tears 

 **Oikawanker:** TEAR AND TEAR ARE WRITTEN THE SAME WAY YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN BETTER 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** a tear is what is coming out of my eye and a tear is uh 

 **Waka Waka:** what happens when you dry swallow a pill. 

 **Waka Waka:** is your oesophagus torn, Kuroo? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I'm throwing something up someone help

 **Oikawanker:** well someone from TOKYO has to help right? 

 **SugAAAH:** someone who drinks Lev's YAKUlt a lot 

 **Goshickey:** Gotta help Kuroo before he ends up in a NeCOMA 

 **Waka Waka:** on a side note, Yaku's name sounds very similar to Drugs. 

 **Oikawanker:** well, Yaku-chuu means drug addict. 

 **Yakult:** fuck off 

 **Yakult:** I'm already in front of Kuroo's house 

 **Oikawanker:** Smirky blond bean won't be happy lmao 

 **Yakult:** eat ten thousand alpaca dicks 

 **Goshickey:** how does Kuroo look? 

 **Oikawanker:** pretty handsome 

 **Waka Waka:** -_- 

 **SugAAAH:** Ushiwaka using text faces is a whole new level of unsettling 

 **Yakult:** I think finding a Kuroo collapsed in his own vomit is the most unsettling thing I've seen today 

 **Goshickey:** he'll be fine if he drank the ginger tea! 

 **Yakult:** I... I'm not gonna check that, thanks. 

 **Oikawanker:** lmao poor Yaku 

 **Yakult:** don't worry I also have Kai now he can deal with anything 

 **Waka Waka:** Kai Nobuyuki, the student who was mistaken for a monk? 

 **Goshickey:** he's told me that he had to act as a monk for a random funeral 

 **Yakult:** can confirm 

 **Oikawanker:** how did he even get by?! 

 **Goshickey:** he can recite the heart sutra in Sanskrit, Mandarin and Japanese so he wasn't really found out 

 **SugAAAH:** is he human 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and I'll love you forever.


	16. Panini in the making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SugAAAH:** there's nothing I can't do when it comes to obscure gross shit 
> 
>  **Yakult:** I've read enough of your doujin ideas to confirm that 
> 
>  **Yakult:** I'm the only one preventing those ideas forming softback covers 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while my cousin tried to eat my hair
> 
> Heya, I hope you're having a good day! If no, maybe this chapter can make it a lil better.

**DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** so I've been thinking about this for a while, but... 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** why has the term "panini head" never appeared in this chat? 

 **Oikawanker:** what are you trying to say 

 **SugAAAH:** I think he's making a Gordon Ramsay reference 

 **Yakult:** where's the lamb sauce 

 **SugAAAH:** fuck off you fat useless sack of fucking yankee dankee doodle shite 

 **Waka Waka:** why are you all fighting? 

 **Goshickey:** what's so bad about Gordon Ramsay? 

_SugAAAH sent a link._

**SugAAAH:** just watch this it's much easier to show than tell 

 **Oikawanker:** panini head sounds pretty lewd 

 **Goshickey:** why? 

 **Waka Waka:** I believe Oikawa is implying that the panini is something else in this context 

 **Oikawanker:** Kay okay you can stop riiiight now, Ushiwaka-chan 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** well, since there's been a distinct lack of paninis in this chat... 

 **Yakult:** it's literally named the panini chat what more do you want 

 **Waka Waka:** Kuroo, are you planning to make a fur suit with a panini? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** yes 

 **Goshickey:** how?! The panini would get between all the crevices in your body 

 **Oikawanker:** you'd be surprised by how little Suga would care about that 

 **SugAAAH:** there's nothing I can't do when it comes to obscure gross shit 

 **Yakult:** I've read enough of your doujin ideas to confirm that 

 **Yakult:** I'm the only one preventing those ideas forming softback covers 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** so I'm planning to make panini suits for everyone here 

 **Waka Waka:** isn't that time-consuming? 

 **Oikawanker:** oh god Kuroo why?! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** I'll tell you when the time comes. 

 **Yakult:** you've always wanted to say that didn't you 

 **SugAAAH:** alright I can make the suits but one person will have to go without

 **Yakult:** I volunteer as tribute! 

 **Oikawanker:** NO I VOLUNTEER 

 **Goshickey:** I mean, if Ushijima can be okay with it, how bad can it be? 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** Oh you good boy, you good clueless boy 

 **Waka Waka:** I trust Sugawara to make a good costume that will not get me arrested. 

 **Oikawanker:** don't you dare say that. He'll take it as a challenge, for sure. 

 **SugAAAH:** aww, how kind of Yaku to volunteer as tribute! 

 **SugAAAH:** I'll make sure he'll live up to the tribute name 

 **Yakult:** wait Suga no 

 **Yakult:** sUGA- 

 **Oikawanker:** close call, glad I didn't become tribute 

 **Waka Waka:** we are third years, shouldn't we be studying for exams? 

 **SugAAAH:** no worries I'll make a living out of drawing porn 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** oh Jesus fuck Suga 

 **Goshickey:** don't say that. He'll make it into a doujin 

 **Oikawanker:** honestly, why did Kageyama even confess to you? 

 **SugAAAH:** I'm a good senpai most of the time 

 **SugAAAH:** and good in bed :) 

 **Yakult:** okay let's not overshare here 

 **Oikawanker:** good in bed huh. Thanks for making me think about something I never wanted to imagine 

 **Waka Waka:** you are not bad in bed, Oikawa. Don't worry. 

 **Goshickey:** DO YOU GUYS MIND?! 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** poor kiddo traumatised by his senpai 

 **Waka Waka:** he is good in bed, though. I like to sleep with him. 

 **Yakult:** bye I didn't need to hear that 

 **Oikawanker:** GUYS, NO. We've never had sex. 

 **Oikawanker:** good in bed doesn't mean sleeping in the same bed 

 **Goshickey:** I'm still a little traumatised, thanks 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** blame Suga 

 **SugAAAH:** I mean it's good to know that you guys just casually lay there in bed 

 **Oikawanker:** Spooning is great shut the fuck up 

 **Goshickey:** can't argue with that 

 **Yakult:** the height difference is useful for once 

 **Waka Waka:** being the little spoon is comforting. 

 **SugAAAH:** I agree with all of you guys for once 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** do you guys just want to make me cry or??? 

 **Yakult:** You deserve it for that panini suit thing 

 **Oikawanker:** Aw, don't be so salty to Kuroo

 **Yakult:** shut up you can be the tribute any day if you want 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** we are all tributes to the panini. 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** panini panini panini panini 

 **SugAAAH:** panini panini panini panini 

 **Goshickey:** panini panini panini panini 

 **Waka Waka:** panini panini panini panini 

 **Oikawanker:** what the fuck 

 **Oikawanker:** IS THIS A CULT?! 

 **Yakult:** panini panini panini panini 

 **SugAAAH:** will Oikawa be able to... take on panini? 

 **Oikawanker:** no I can barely take on me 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** alright guys I have a plan 

 **DarkEnchantedKuroobar:** you guys have to memorise the whole of Take On Me's melody by the end of this week 

 **Waka Waka:** Panini. 

 **Oikawanker:** is panini now just a general greeting or..? 

 **SugAAAH:** panini. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked it!


	17. Take on the Panini

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bravo, bravo. Never thought I'd live to see the day Tsukishima took part in a rap." Kuroo clapped in an old-fashioned manner, earning a glare from the tall middle blocker. Suga could be heard giggling right next to him, and Kuroo knew he was thinking of something hilariously stupid again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry I let this almost die for far too long. I was having crappy health. I hope you enjoy!

The bagel team certainly were an impressing bunch, if the fact that the rap was incomplete could be ignored on the basis that it was _good._ But the panini chat had taken the face-off to a whole new level. As Oikawa described it, it was more of a cult. 

"Bravo, bravo. Never thought I'd live to see the day Tsukishima took part in a rap." Kuroo clapped in an old-fashioned manner, earning a glare from the tall middle blocker. Suga could be heard giggling right next to him, and Kuroo knew he was thinking of something hilariously stupid again. 

"Says the guy who's wearing a panini suit." Bokuto stared Kuroo up and down, exchanging glances with Akaashi. "Go on, impress us. Show us that you're more than some high schoolers with a handlebar moustache." 

"High all right." Tsukishima added, causing Ushijima to tilt his head in confusion and Oikawa to bury his face into his palms. 

Lev's eyes darted around for his boyfriend, but he couldn't see him anywhere. It was true that smaller people were harder to find in a crowd, but he was sure that Yaku couldn't shrink. That theory was yet to be tested, since it was Lev who usually received the "I'll _sink_ you like the Titanic!" threats. 

"Looking for your love?" Goshiki asked, with an air of mock haughtiness. "Too bad you'll have to see our performance-" 

"Alright. Get on with it. If you think any of us have taken you guys seriously with that type of attire, you need to start working at a food chain store." Iwaizumi's comment elicited a "Be nice, Iwa-chan!" from Oikawa, and a smirk from Kuroo. 

With a shrug, Iwaizumi sat beside Kindaichi in the foldable chairs set up for the 'audience'. Kindaichi's eyes awkwardly glanced at Oikawa, unsure whether laughing or clapping was the appropriate reaction. "So, what are you guys gonna do?" 

Kuroo clicked his fingers once all the panini chat members clambered onto the stage, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. "Akaashi, start the music!" The setter obliged with a sigh. He knew that Kuroo had planned something ridiculous, and regretted not bringing a first aid kit to the gathering. 

As soon as an upbeat song intro started playing, a cheer and several snorts erupted from the bagel chat members. "Take On Me? Do they even know English?" Tsukishima shook his head, as the panini-clad performers turned around in unison, Ushijima looking a little lost as he looked at Goshiki. 

"Pa-ni-ni!" 

"Looks like they didn't need to." Akaashi pointed out, as the group proceeded to sing the whole song, replacing the lyrics with a single word describing their entire performance.

"Take on me!"

"Pa-ni-ni!" 

Kuroo was a one-man bullhorn, belting out what little lyrics he knew during the chorus in his best English. He had a good voice, although that wasn't a factor impactful enough to satisfy him. He hadn't stayed up all night, plotting with Suga for just some fancy singing act. 

"For real though, where's Yaku-san?" Lev whispered, wondering if his senpai decided that he didn't like paninis or bagels, after all. Perhaps he was only loyal to vegetable stir-fry. He wondered if that could be a new group chat. 

A figure in a formal suit dashed onto the stage from behind, sunglasses and silk hat protecting most of his identity. His shorter form gave it away, despite the fact that he could have sneaked into a 007 set and blended into the surroundings. 

" _Yaku-san!_ What are you doing dressed like that? Ahaha!" Lev was the first one to completely lose it, throwing his body forward in a fit of laughter and crashing straight into the back of Kindaichi's chair. 

"The paninis keep coming and they don't stop coming!" Yaku went off in a rap all of a sudden, taking off his black jacket to reveal a t-shirt with a sexy panini... figure, printed on it courtesy of Suga. It was impossible to tell the gender of the panini-model, if whatever it was had one. 

It was impossible to tell with Yaku's huge sunglasses, but Iwaizumi was sure that his eyes were completely devoid of emotion, silently waiting for the attention on him to be directed someplace else. 

"Take on- what the fuck Yaku!" 

It turned out that Yaku's eyes were also devoid of sight as well as emotion, when he wandered over to the centre of the stage and collided with Kuroo, who was in the middle of an emotional note. 

"This stupid _fucking hat_ is the problem!" Yaku hissed, taking off the hat that was obstructing his vision and chucking it behind him. 

A "Shit!" came from the direction the hat flew off to, and Yaku slowly turned around to realise that the hat had collided with Oikawa's face, which in turn caused him to fall straight into Ushijima beside him. 

Although Kuroo made valiant efforts to keep the performance alive, everybody was focusing more on the two that had fallen on the floor. 

"Ushijima-san!" Goshiki leapt to his upperclassman's aid, extending a hand over to Ushijima to help him up. The boy lost his balance while bending down, and ended up joining the panini pile with a "Geh!" 

"Another one bites the dust." 

Suga burst into peals of laughter, already having thought of what could happen with the oversized panini suits. It was a mystery whether he had planned that much though, since the laughing had caused him to topple over. 

The only ones left standing were Yaku and Kuroo, who looked noticeably shocked. Although Kuroo never stopped the performance for the sake of everyone's pride, he was unsure if it made much difference. 

"I'll be gone, in a day or two..." 

"It won't take that long." 

Kuroo's last line ended up being executed at a rather awkward timing, sending the first years in the audience into fits of laughter. "So, does that count as a sign of admitted defeat?" Bokuto crossed his arms, staring at the lump of panini suits on stage. 

"Nope! Our performance was great, even if there was an, uh... unplanned event at the end."

"Just help us get up, you shitheads!"

Ignoring the various shouts from their side, Bokuto and Kuroo shook hands and went through an elaborate brofist routine. "Good game." The two turned to the stage, where Kindaichi and Iwaizumi pulled up Oikawa, then Goshiki and Ushijima. Suga had somehow pushed himself up on his own, although slightly wobbly.

"I think I've had enough carbohydrates to last me a lifetime." Tsukishima stated, preparing to leave the captains and get on the bullet train back to Miyagi.

"Tell your senpai to make less dangerous panini suits next time." Oikawa spat bitterly, taking off the suit that was becoming too hot on him. "Not like I'd ever want to put on a panini suit ever again."  

"The question is, are we going to make a group chat again?" 

"Perhaps," Bokuto answered Akaashi's query, slinging an arm over his shoulder. "But now, how about we go flirt with our boyfriends?" 

"Is this an attempt to exclude me?" Goshiki sighed, knowing that Shirabu wasn't anywhere near him in Tokyo. "Good day. I'm returning to Shiratorizawa." 

"Take me with you, Goshiki!" Suga called out, his boyfriend also several prefectures away. The face-off between the bagel chat and panini chat had ended, leaving the members with a close bond that couldn't be separated with failed panini suits or an incomplete rap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay,,,, so first of all I'm really thankful for every kudo, comment and bookmark here and on Our Bagel Oath. To be honest, I'm not happy with the way I ended it, but I just didn't want to leave everyone hanging for another month. I know it's not the best I could have done and it's frustrating, but I want to try harder in my other fics so that I can keep evolving and producing more content regularly. I'd appreciate it a ton if you could check out my other stories, which are pretty much just angst honestly haha. 
> 
> With that, I'd like to say goodbye to this series. It's been a longer ride than I ever imagined, and I loved it. Thank you all.


End file.
